Thursday, May 03, 2012

Fish Men, Bad Dogs, and Husband Bulges

ZaAT/The Blood Waters of Dr. Z, In Florida Dr. Z commits crimes against nature and plausible monster suits in his grimy, dispirited lab. Which actually looks like something a dour German who had to depend on the largesse of Ace Hardware would put together. His goal is to mutate himself and all sea life, and by doing so "conquer the universe." Or at least Jacksonville. A group of government scientists and a good ol' boy sheriff are brought in to deal with the strange goings on. But the the movie frequently forgets to have any urgency or danger in that charming way of regional exploiters. Instead, being content to poke around in the local color, or the folk singing portion of it anyway. If he hasn't, acquaintance Mister Klaw has to to see this.

Zoltan: The Hound of Dracula, Stupid movies are a dime a dozen but a movie that commits fully to a stupendously stupid premise is a joy forever. It's a last of the Draculas tale, but this time the last Dracula has a tail. That's right, it's the count's beloved pup Zoltan. Unbelievably it gets sillier as Zoltan dutifully makes his way to Los Angeles to bite the last human relative of Drac to create a new master. It would have been the best if his Van Helsing was a faithful golden retriever or something but no, it's Jose Ferrer giving the role much more dignity than it deserves. Comes with the most knock down adorable puppy resurrection in cinema.

Cabin in The Woods, Typically Whedon in that it's hilarious, infuriating, not as clever as it thinks it is, but the sum of the parts creates a highly addictive slow burn effect leaving you with moments and ideas to ponder over for days afterward. I have a lot of feelings about this but I can't talk about them without spoiling everything so I'll just wait here for you to go see it and then we'll talk. I will make the shallow observation that is was neat seeing a pre-Thor Chris Hemsworth and wondering, "Who's that hot, tall skinny guy-ohhh..."

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